the massive bomb

It was a bomb. A massive one.

I couldn't take it. It was too big, too much. At least for me.

The problem of being a man in the middle of the spectrum is that you'll always have both ends of the spectrum hatin' you (cause they'll always think you're on the opposite end).

So, even for me, a guy in the mid spectrum,this is still very hard to take. It still hurts me, even though I know I'm not the one hurting.

A blow in the face.

Nasty facts hurt more when they are related to your loved ones. It always does.

Three years I've tried hard to change. And here I am, a totally different man. With less anger, less explosive emotions, less grudge, calmer, and wiser. Even when the improvements have been massive,  facts like these are still very hard to deal with.

I am no God. If I were, I would've forgiven you straight away.

I'm human and I've tried so hard for years to become a good person with clean rep and all. Struggling to avoid stupid things that I know will trouble me in the future, and now finding out that there's no credit for all those bullshits?

If only I knew about this all along, I'd do things differently. I would've let myself get carried away. Would've opted for a fucked up life. Would've opted for those fuckin drugs. Would've made someone pregnant! Fuck you! Yeah you! Fuck you!

Because there's just no difference, innit?

NO FUCKIN DIFFERENCE??

Now please explain me how can a boy who struggled hard for years to get a clean life like this accept someone's fucked up fate just because she did not struggle OR EVEN THINK?

Fuck you nature! Fuck you, earth! Fuck you, world!

It's a fucked up world altogether!

To survive in this cruel world, you should've fucked yourself up from the fuckin beginning!

It hurts me so much, more than you think. That I assure you.

As for this fuckin news bomb,  Ahhhh.. It was too big. Too much. A part of me knows damn well that I don't fuckin deserve this !