the massive bomb

It was a bomb. A massive one.

I couldn't take it. It was too big, too much. At least for me.

The problem of being a man in the middle of the spectrum is that you'll always have both ends of the spectrum hatin' you (cause they'll always think you're on the opposite end).

So, even for me, a guy in the mid spectrum,this is still very hard to take. It still hurts me, even though I know I'm not the one hurting.

A blow in the face.

Nasty facts hurt more when they are related to your loved ones. It always does.

Three years I've tried hard to change. And here I am, a totally different man. With less anger, less explosive emotions, less grudge, calmer, and wiser. Even when the improvements have been massive,  facts like these are still very hard to deal with.

I am no God. If I were, I would've forgiven you straight away.

I'm human and I've tried so hard for years to become a good person with clean rep and all. Struggling to avoid stupid things that I know will trouble me in the future, and now finding out that there's no credit for all those bullshits?

If only I knew about this all along, I'd do things differently. I would've let myself get carried away. Would've opted for a fucked up life. Would've opted for those fuckin drugs. Would've made someone pregnant! Fuck you! Yeah you! Fuck you!

Because there's just no difference, innit?

NO FUCKIN DIFFERENCE??

Now please explain me how can a boy who struggled hard for years to get a clean life like this accept someone's fucked up fate just because she did not struggle OR EVEN THINK?

Fuck you nature! Fuck you, earth! Fuck you, world!

It's a fucked up world altogether!

To survive in this cruel world, you should've fucked yourself up from the fuckin beginning!

It hurts me so much, more than you think. That I assure you.

As for this fuckin news bomb,  Ahhhh.. It was too big. Too much. A part of me knows damn well that I don't fuckin deserve this !

p.o.s.t.p.o.n.e.d.

Excited, scared, embarassed, proud, happy, sceptical, ... and many more. I've got a collection of different adjectives that are messed-up, complicated, double-standard, and full of controversy.


The feeling i've been having is undescribable. What has happened to me is probably both a blessing and a curse, thx to my razor mouth, they say.


Your mouth is your tiger, so they say.
And my mouth's been a lean mean sharp-cutting razor that would easily penetrate to people's heart. hahahhaa. I love to mock people, of course based on scientific and thorough research. But still, mocking people ain't somethin to be proud of. Karma is probably real. At least for me. No, maybe worse. At least I feel that whenever I did 2 bad things to people, I'd probably get 3 bad things for me. But yeah, whatever, we're living in an imbalanced world.

So maybe I get what I deserved. I don't even know what I do deserve. This is why life is God's mystery. The more you think you know about it, the blurrer it gets.
7 years ago, I was so sure of what life is, and had a perfect plan on how to tread it nicely and safely.
Oops! Wrong, brother!... No one will ever have a plan fit and proper enough to be applied perfectly in God's most un-idealistic realm.


Whatever.
At least I can say I'm happier.
And I'm still gonna thank Him for that.


Cheers, my Master! Thanks for new fate :)
At least I can see a change in direction. Ha haaa..
So much for suicides. Yep. p.o.s.t.p.o.n.e.d. fo shoooo!

RP

Wacan

Wacan = Wah Cantiknya !

Contoh penggunaan:
Budi: "Wacaan!"
Ahmed: "Apaan sih Wacan?"
Budi: "Singkatan dari Wah Cantiknya!"


(*__*") total pointless-madness!!

Been Awhile

The blogspot's been here for a real while. Reminds me of the old days in London. When was that? oh yeah, must be 2004 or sometime... It's still here, and maybe I will use it to express my thoughts. Them things I used to do at my Multiply account. I guess multiply's been my safe haven for years. Probably coz no one's bothered reading my stupid notes, save some of my multiply-active friends. others, they just don't know about nothing.

Then came facebook... and them notes they have there. But now's different. No one really check their facebook page anymore. they use blackberrys, iphones, and the lot.

So, back to basic. Blogspot, err?.. Return the layout to the most basic. Here comes the classic of 'thoughts-expressing' !

Mimpi

Dari mulai konspirasi robot, tembak2an dengan tentara2 penjaga, etc (agak lupa gimana menaklukkan babak yg satu ini) setting: Dunia masa depan, laboratorium riset di dalam gua2 yang memiliki lubang ke angkasa.

Pindah ke babak lain: ini juga lupa apa yg terjadi disini, daerahnya berbukit-bukit, berumput, setting seperti di peternakan, dari sini kabur naik gantole turun dari perbukitan.

Setting: era middle ages, kota kecil dg aktivitas pasar jmn dulu. melihat peperangan kecil antar jago2 di kota kecil tsb, tapi lalu tiba2 penguasa setempat mengggeledah seisi kota utk mengetahui dimana kami menyembunyikan sebuah barang berharga. Kami (kalo tdk salah bertiga) saling bersembunyi dan pura-pura bodoh setiap diinterogasi. Banyak rakyat yg dibunuh dan dipenggal. Saya sempat menyamar bergabung bersama seorang anak kecil di depan pintu rumahnya pura2 bernyanyi dengan walkman, disaat si penguasa (dan tentara2 jagalnya) lewat dan mengecek kami. Malamnya saya tidur di lantai, dan kami merencanakan utk memanjat pagar kawasan saat subuh.

Mimpinya seperti sebuah game yang memiliki banyak sekali stages/babak. Tiap babak diakhiri oleh misi kita yg selesai dan kita harus kabur dari kawasan tersebut (ada yg manjat, ada yg pake gantole). Mimpinya juga menggambarkan teamwork. Saya ingat di babak pertama (cerita futuristik) saya yg banyak berpikir jalan keluarnya. Di babak selanjutnya (yg saya lupa ceritanya) saya cuma ingat bahwa si partner jagoan saya, seorang kapten kapal, yang berjasa karena persistencenya dia dan kerelaan dia berkorban menanggung semua di babak tersebut. Di babak Middle-Ages yang penuh algojo itu pun rekan satunya lagi yg berjasa, orgnya agak kurus, karena dia yg memegang 'barang berharga' ini yang diincar penguasa setempat (entah apa itu).

sayangnya 90% dr mimpi akan langsung hilang dari ingatan anda bbrp saat stlh anda bangun.

Sedikit kmungkinan tafsir dari mimpi tad

Bermimpi melakukan perjalanan jauh : Tanda Umur panjang
Bermimpi dikejar2 orang : tanda akan mendapatkan rejeki
Bermimpi melihat orang lain menghunus pedang membunuh orang lain: artinya dpt menyelesaikan masalah org lain
bermimpi terbang menggunakan pesawat/alat: artinya anda mendapatkan undangan kehormatan atau istimewa berkenaan dengan prestasi dan keberhasilan anda