09 February 2009
A month since my official album launching date.
Today was so painful. Since last night, the internet was suspended. I suspect it is because of our 2-month outstanding payments. In the morning I watched Inbox and Dahsyat, and the other new (similar) show at Trans TV. How lucky these people are. From the village-looking rockstar-wannabe bands, that I guess would be from a smaller town somewhere outside Java island, to a group of young city-boys trying to provide the hippest new-jazz tunes for the upper-segment, with their trendy ‘bilingual’ songs. I know how much it costs a new band/artist to get into those highly-overrated shows, and it’s just a sum of money I know I cannot afford. Do these new faces know about this? Or maybe only their rich ‘juragan’ parents (or rich ‘pejabat’ parents)? Do they know how much money their fathers spend only to make their kids be more famous? Do these kids know how does it feel to be like me, who worked long-hours for years only to save it, lend more money, and then use it out for such projects, and yet achieving only a 1/10 of the budget they're getting from their fathers? Do they know how does it feel shifting from a rich Jakarta CBD office workers with the highly-prospective talent in the industry (or so they say), to a poor artist (as in worker of art) with no-job and nothing left in his bank accounts? And the thoughts went on. Well, basically I was envying these people so much.
Later at noon, I walked into a bank to make a payment for my cable TV. I had to deposit the money my father gave me into my account, for it to be transferred later via ATM as the cable payment. And then I saw this teller, next to the one I was speaking to. She was holding a large bundle of Rp50,000 notes. My brain was trying to make a rough judgment on how much that bundle probably worth. Maybe around 50 million. The next bundle that I then saw was of Rp100,000 notes, in similar size. Hmm that should worth more, maybe 100 million. And for that brief second I was actually thinking of robbing the bank, only basically to finance my well-drought marketing campaign. If only I had a gun with me, I thought. And suddenly I remember all the news about those robbers in motorcycles, robbing as ‘little’ as only Rp50 to 100 million rupiahs. Whenever I saw this kind of news in previous years, I have always wondered, why would a group of guy steal only that amount of money? Why not go all the way and plan a large heist, like the recently popular investment-fraud we’re seeing all-over the world?
Now I suddenly understand why. And so in this vision I see myself right there, just like them. On a worn-out motorcycle, with an accomplice, trying to escape the guards and police, with only Rp50 million in the bag I’m holding tight around my arm. With that amount of money, I can hit the Televisions, just like all the other bands/artists normally..... Nahh, but I can never do that. I don’t have the guts and I’m not that desperate. But I’m telling the truth, it did cross my mind for a brief few seconds.
But then later I was inspired by the movie “Vicky Christina Barcelona”. On DVD of course, I could not afford going to the cinemas anymore. It’s another movie done by Woody Allen, and played by, not surprisingly, his recently favourite actress, Scarlett Johansson. In some parts, the movie highlights the artists (again, workers of art) living for the love of life, represented by the character Juan Antonio, his poet father, and even his-ex-wife. The movie shows us that in a certain life at a certain distance from the bustling businesses of New York City, simple elements of life are cherished by certain people. Even so simple that the concept of affection and love (and also sex, for that matter) should not at all be regarded as complicated. The character Vicky, whose life is well organised and carefully planned, and who was on her way to wed the ideal man (or so she thought), found herself secretly longing for a love life with Juan Antonio. And even the free-spirited Christina, who had initially thought she wanted a 'different' love life with an artist, finally found herself not that crazy after all. This movie carries so many messages I think people should see it.
I then started to be thankful. It all just makes sense. Life is wonderful and I love it so much. So why must one dwell on plans and strategies if they only put more pressure, and in the end pulling that person further away from the happiness he seeks. I know I only have Rp2 million left for the next God-knows how many more months. I know that I must be crazy to think that the marketing budget I put for Raygava et al could compete with the budget of others, that are at least 10 folds, each! I know I’m well behind compared to most of my friends who are now ‘enjoying’ their settled life with a wife and a housing mortgage. But I should remember that above all, my mission has been accomplished. I finally have an album, out there, in record stores, and a pretty damn-good one too (if only more people know about it). A fine work that everyone around me is so proud of, and therefore so should my descendants. Even I can’t be prouder that I am now. So if no one buys it, and no one is making any song-request to the radios, should that give me headaches?
The album is a celebration of life. The darkest hours of my life, the pain of love, the torturing home-sick, the painful-dilemmas, and even the passions for love, all were there. Presented in stupid lyrics. Hahaha.. It has been my message to people to live their life to the fullest, even in grim moments. I should always remember that!
And so it came to me that life should be cherished, for it is not all about having enough money to live. Every fresh air I took when I was out there 7 AM in the morning running around the block, every bench-press I made whenever there’s just nothing more to do other than pointless work-out, every ‘pricy’ golf swings in the midst of gloomy sky and singing birds, every DVDs I watched in the mid-day only because the cable TV is suspended due to outstanding payments, every futile effort of running the scales back-and-forth trying to be a better guitar player. Aren’t these elements of good-life? Suddenly it strikes me that I should enjoy myself more. Hmm, maybe I should even go out today? Nahh, not today. But maybe tomorrow. Marketing campaigns? Ahh I should give less shit about it. I’ve been the smallest David ever existed, trying to fight the Goliaths. I think it’s alright if David loses the battle. Rp2 million left? Ahh who cares? You’re not gonna be dead anyway. Some people are even living in the brink of death. I was only jealous I guess; Jealous of all the other bands/artists with their ‘blessed’ budgets. But I know I shouldn’t let it get into my head. I should smile, go out, and while at it, get more creative by finding out more life-enjoying things to do sans d’argent.
A month since my official album launching date.
Today was so painful. Since last night, the internet was suspended. I suspect it is because of our 2-month outstanding payments. In the morning I watched Inbox and Dahsyat, and the other new (similar) show at Trans TV. How lucky these people are. From the village-looking rockstar-wannabe bands, that I guess would be from a smaller town somewhere outside Java island, to a group of young city-boys trying to provide the hippest new-jazz tunes for the upper-segment, with their trendy ‘bilingual’ songs. I know how much it costs a new band/artist to get into those highly-overrated shows, and it’s just a sum of money I know I cannot afford. Do these new faces know about this? Or maybe only their rich ‘juragan’ parents (or rich ‘pejabat’ parents)? Do they know how much money their fathers spend only to make their kids be more famous? Do these kids know how does it feel to be like me, who worked long-hours for years only to save it, lend more money, and then use it out for such projects, and yet achieving only a 1/10 of the budget they're getting from their fathers? Do they know how does it feel shifting from a rich Jakarta CBD office workers with the highly-prospective talent in the industry (or so they say), to a poor artist (as in worker of art) with no-job and nothing left in his bank accounts? And the thoughts went on. Well, basically I was envying these people so much.
Later at noon, I walked into a bank to make a payment for my cable TV. I had to deposit the money my father gave me into my account, for it to be transferred later via ATM as the cable payment. And then I saw this teller, next to the one I was speaking to. She was holding a large bundle of Rp50,000 notes. My brain was trying to make a rough judgment on how much that bundle probably worth. Maybe around 50 million. The next bundle that I then saw was of Rp100,000 notes, in similar size. Hmm that should worth more, maybe 100 million. And for that brief second I was actually thinking of robbing the bank, only basically to finance my well-drought marketing campaign. If only I had a gun with me, I thought. And suddenly I remember all the news about those robbers in motorcycles, robbing as ‘little’ as only Rp50 to 100 million rupiahs. Whenever I saw this kind of news in previous years, I have always wondered, why would a group of guy steal only that amount of money? Why not go all the way and plan a large heist, like the recently popular investment-fraud we’re seeing all-over the world?
Now I suddenly understand why. And so in this vision I see myself right there, just like them. On a worn-out motorcycle, with an accomplice, trying to escape the guards and police, with only Rp50 million in the bag I’m holding tight around my arm. With that amount of money, I can hit the Televisions, just like all the other bands/artists normally..... Nahh, but I can never do that. I don’t have the guts and I’m not that desperate. But I’m telling the truth, it did cross my mind for a brief few seconds.
But then later I was inspired by the movie “Vicky Christina Barcelona”. On DVD of course, I could not afford going to the cinemas anymore. It’s another movie done by Woody Allen, and played by, not surprisingly, his recently favourite actress, Scarlett Johansson. In some parts, the movie highlights the artists (again, workers of art) living for the love of life, represented by the character Juan Antonio, his poet father, and even his-ex-wife. The movie shows us that in a certain life at a certain distance from the bustling businesses of New York City, simple elements of life are cherished by certain people. Even so simple that the concept of affection and love (and also sex, for that matter) should not at all be regarded as complicated. The character Vicky, whose life is well organised and carefully planned, and who was on her way to wed the ideal man (or so she thought), found herself secretly longing for a love life with Juan Antonio. And even the free-spirited Christina, who had initially thought she wanted a 'different' love life with an artist, finally found herself not that crazy after all. This movie carries so many messages I think people should see it.
I then started to be thankful. It all just makes sense. Life is wonderful and I love it so much. So why must one dwell on plans and strategies if they only put more pressure, and in the end pulling that person further away from the happiness he seeks. I know I only have Rp2 million left for the next God-knows how many more months. I know that I must be crazy to think that the marketing budget I put for Raygava et al could compete with the budget of others, that are at least 10 folds, each! I know I’m well behind compared to most of my friends who are now ‘enjoying’ their settled life with a wife and a housing mortgage. But I should remember that above all, my mission has been accomplished. I finally have an album, out there, in record stores, and a pretty damn-good one too (if only more people know about it). A fine work that everyone around me is so proud of, and therefore so should my descendants. Even I can’t be prouder that I am now. So if no one buys it, and no one is making any song-request to the radios, should that give me headaches?
The album is a celebration of life. The darkest hours of my life, the pain of love, the torturing home-sick, the painful-dilemmas, and even the passions for love, all were there. Presented in stupid lyrics. Hahaha.. It has been my message to people to live their life to the fullest, even in grim moments. I should always remember that!
And so it came to me that life should be cherished, for it is not all about having enough money to live. Every fresh air I took when I was out there 7 AM in the morning running around the block, every bench-press I made whenever there’s just nothing more to do other than pointless work-out, every ‘pricy’ golf swings in the midst of gloomy sky and singing birds, every DVDs I watched in the mid-day only because the cable TV is suspended due to outstanding payments, every futile effort of running the scales back-and-forth trying to be a better guitar player. Aren’t these elements of good-life? Suddenly it strikes me that I should enjoy myself more. Hmm, maybe I should even go out today? Nahh, not today. But maybe tomorrow. Marketing campaigns? Ahh I should give less shit about it. I’ve been the smallest David ever existed, trying to fight the Goliaths. I think it’s alright if David loses the battle. Rp2 million left? Ahh who cares? You’re not gonna be dead anyway. Some people are even living in the brink of death. I was only jealous I guess; Jealous of all the other bands/artists with their ‘blessed’ budgets. But I know I shouldn’t let it get into my head. I should smile, go out, and while at it, get more creative by finding out more life-enjoying things to do sans d’argent.
