Hal-hal Tolol Yang Merupakan Karya Terbesar Tuhan

Hurt...

Never liked getting hurt again n again..
or maybe hurting.. don't really enjoy dat either..
Apa sih maksud Tuhan?
Apakah selamanya kita akan hidup untuk saling menyakiti dan disakiti?
Apakah selamanya kita manusia akan cenderung tanpa sadar mengambil pilihan-pilihan yang menyakitkan bagi kita?
Ada yang tau ga sih?

Kenapa yang terjadi tidak pernah sesuai dengan yang kita harapkan?
Kenapa kita semua harus sakit?
Kenapa kita semua harus menyakiti?
Apakah ini karma tak berujung?
Ataukah ini karya Tuhan ? (yaitu menempatkan manusia dalam pressure besar dimana dia akan lalu merasa sangat tidak nyaman)


Buat beberapa orang mungkin ini biasa. Buat beberapa orang ini mungkin hal yg baru dan menantang pikiran. Buat gue sendiri, gue sudah lelah... Bagaimana tidak lelah bila harus menghadapi hal-hal semacam ini hampir setiap saat dalam beberapa tahun terakhir ini?
Lalu apakah kalian pikir gue ''menikmati'' menyakiti hati orang?.. NO NO.. tidak, kok!
Tapi lalu apakah karena gue menyakiti terus orang2 (yang padahal gue tidak menikmati hal ini sama sekali) maka lalu gue juga layak disakiti terus2an??
Apakah ada yang tahu persamaan antara cinta, benci, sakit, dan senang?
Tidak ada persamaannya selain daripada bahwa mereka semua adalah hal-hal yang sangat tolol dan rancu yang namun sangat mampu mengontrol hidup kita. . . .  Karya Tuhan yang paling besar!!

Karya Tuhan yang paling besar adalah rasa cinta dan rasa sakit!
Dua hal paling tolol yang pernah gue temui di dunia, karena ke-tidak valid-an nya.. Namun juga dua hal yang paling bisa membuat gue gila... Gila segila-gilanya..
seperti sekarang ini.
Terimakasih Tuhan, karena telah membuatku gila. Saya harap Engkau punya maksud tertentu, karena saya sudah menanti bertahun-tahun di tempat yang sama, hanya untuk mengetahui jawabanMu.

The Wisest Thing is To Do Nothing

Do you know?

Sometimes the wisest thing to do is to do nothing..
Sometimes the most objective thing is to just be selfish...

It's been almost a month. Dunno what else's gonna happen next week, as the chess game continues...
some are 100% sure..
some are 50:50..
some others like me.. could be 33:33:33
even from last week, it may turned to be 25:25:25:25.... hahhaha
me and my options.. to the end.
Do you know?

Cuapee

Cuaaapeeeeehhh...

Semua orang mau kawin... now I'm left alone... syiiiittt...
taiiii...
anjiiingg..
kalo temen2 gue yg biasa doang pada kawin gapapa dehh..
tapi kalo semua sahabat2 gue yg paling deket semua mau ninggalin gue dalam waktu deket dan hampir bersamaann. anjeeengg!!!.. . guk guk... warf warf...

I've lost my partners in crime.. So the battle lies ahead.. with only me standing here.
with my bow, but not that many arrows left.. (antara arjuna atau legolas.. hahaha) no more gimli nor aragorn.. it's me against the world... but then if i think abt it, it's just like the older days.. the solo battle!
All i have now is only raygava et al. Nothing other than that..
gue udah cape disalahin..
Dulu waktu gue hancur karena si beyotch pelacur keparat anjing itu.. semua bilang itu gara2 salah gue..
(gue juga yakin si pelacur itu cuman ngaku2 hancur doang.. pasti aslinya sih dia ga merasa bersalah sama sekali)..
Sekarang disaat gue lagi kebingungan mencoba mencari jalan yang tepat... gue malah dibilang bajingan kejam dan tukang maenin hati wanita2....
buseeettttt.. salah apa yah gue?
again... raygava et al. was there to save me.... oh yeah.. and also sabai, my personal therapist.. alias my girl best friend.

Semua emang gara2 si biyotch pelacur keparat ituh...
Walaupun gue selalu alhamdulillah karena 'dijauhkan' oleh Tuhan dari si pelacur nekat nan bego itu, tetep aja dunia masih ga akan pernah adil.... Tindakannya yg bejat dan keberadaan dirinya yg udah jadi kotor benar2 menghancurkan seluruh rencana masa depan gue...
well ga segitunya juga sih...
CUman kalo dipikir2.. gue yg ga salah aja jadi berantakan kayak gini...
dia yg jelas biang dari semua ini, sepantasnya mengalami kehancuran yang jauh2 lebih berkali-kali lipat...

Yahhh sayangnya kita hidup di Dunia, tempat dimana tidak ada yg adil.
So, living with this injustice kayaknya akan tetep masih jadi beban gue untuk beberapa saat kedepan.
But God do work in mysterious ways.. i just havent figured out the plan he has for me...

syiittt,,,
in the mean time...
Fak yu beyoooooootccccchhhhh !!!.. hahahahhahahha

Cewe-cewe Yang Gak Pernah Tau Apa Yang Mereka Mau

Jadi sebenernya gue cuman sambil nunggu download CD sambil cari2 cover album buat dimasukin ke ipod, sambil chatting ama nyokap di india..
Tapi gue pengen cerita sesuatu..
Mungkin buat beberapa orang yg udah lihat cukup banyak, mereka akan paham dengan terminologi2 di lagu2 gue (Raygava et.al.),... tipe2 cewe seperti apa yg gue coba gambarkan di lagu2 spt Kedua Tercantik dan Saling Menipu (Perempuan Murahan).. Yah walau terminologi gue cukup banyak dan butuh waktu yg cukup lama utk jelasin spesifikasi dari tiap2 istilah ini.. dan emang mereka agak2 beda sih..
Yah mereka to some certain extent bisa kita sebut cewe2 murah.. atau cewe2 beyotch..atau penggoda atau cewe2 nakal
Bagi bbrp orang, mereka disebut cewe2 player.... atau heartbreaker..
buat gue.... mereka cukup gue sebut, cewe2 yg gak pernah tau apa yg mereka mau..

But Myself, personally, I'm always fine with them.. If they're cheap.. if they're bitches.. i like to party in clubs.. i like to get drunk... so i dun really care... but pls pls pliiss abis, say the truth.. Be honest to yourself (well i guess they can't that's why mereka dibilang cewe2 yg gak pernah tau apa yg mereka mau.. cz they dont.. they dont even know who they are..)... kan kasian book lama2 juga jadinya...
Jadi begini.. Kebanyakan cewe2 beginian....eh..
StOP.!.. oke oke.. lupa nih.. gue harus jelasin dulu ini cewe2 yg begimana sih yg gue lagi kupas disini...
Okeh.. jadi pasti lo tau cewe2 ini..: Mereka pandai berdandan, wanita penggoda, otomatis agak2 tolol n intelektualitas rendah, punya koleksi mantan pacar yg segudang (belum termasuk cowo2 yg cuman datang2 bentar), .. mereka sangat suka direspect dan dihargai.. Definisi mereka di respect n dihargai adalah: Mendapatkan fasilitas bintang lima utk jasa penjemputan, makanan, dan hiburan. Yg lagi gue kupas ini bukan cewe2 murahan yg mau ama om2.. Mereka jijik kok sama Om2.. tapi mereka senang cowo2 muda yg kaya (atau lebih enaknya, anak orang kaya), yg lumayan ganteng, dan siap membawa mereka having fun. (which generally can be described as drinking, smoking pots, kissing n touching, getting high on some stupid pills, some includes heroin, crack,..and also maybe a li'l bit of f*ckin,if they're really crazy abt you.. (and yes that's why we love them)..Hmmm apalagi yah.. Mereka ini jelas yg suka banyak.. karena mereka cantik (to some extent, dan bukan tipe cewe yg pecun2 amat alias masih berkelas dikit)... and they're just one of your friends kok.

Gue gak ada stok gambar.. jadi ini deh kebetulan abis cari covernya suede... yahh kira2 beginilah pemandangan di club yah.... cewe2 yg kita cintai.. amiiinnn.. hahaha
Oke.. jadi kita lanjutkan.. jadi begini.. Entah kenapa , cewe2 begini, mereka akan selalu kebingungan..
Mereka gak pernah tahu apakah mereka tuh sebenernya masih pengen mabuk sana sini, dugem sana-sini, atau mau settle, atau mau menikah, atau mau mencoba hubungan serius, atau mau f*ckin around aja, atau mau jadi player, atau mau jadi wanita karir, atau apa... the problem.. mereka gak pernah tau mereka mau apa.
Mengapa?... Secara ilmu psikologis, untuk logisnya aja, seseorang gak bakal tau mereka mau apa kalo mereka gak tau mereka ada di mana. Kalo gak salah gue pernah nulis ttg hal kayak gini, tapi waktu itu lebih condong kepada urusan karir (silakan browse posting2 gue yg dulu2).. Nah skrg urusan social life sbnrnya sama.. Lo gak akan mungkin tau lo maunya apa kalo lo gak tau lo berada dimana?
Dimanakah lo berada, dalam parameter klasifikasi social life? Apakah anda ini sebenarnya?
Apakah saya ini player? apakah saya ini sebenernya seorang yg cupu?.. cupunya segimana> super cupu? sangat cupu? super bitch? bitch dikit2? bitch abeess?.. hahahha macem2 nyet.. lo harus tau exact location lo dimana. Nah ini yg cewe2 begini gak pernah tau. Mereka gak tau to what extent their bitchi-ness is. Mereka bisa aja mengira mereka udah mau settle.
"gue kyknya udah mau hidup yang sttle deh"
"gue mau deh kawin taun depan kalo ada yg ngajak" (ini aja udah pernyataan yg menandakan ketololan mereka dan cuman sebatas apa otak mereka berfungsi)
"gue bukan player ahhh.. gue tuh disakitin terus, lagii" (ya iya lah, mana ada maling ngaku maling. hahaha... buat yg kenal gue jangan ketawa lo!.. kalo gue sih emang sering disakitin!. hahha)
one point to learn here: NEVER SAY SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T KEEP!!
Jangan sekali2 lo bilang kalo lo mau hidup settle kalo sebenernya lo masih suka brantakan kesana sini.. Makanya gue juga gak pernah tuh bilang mau kawin ahhhh... engga tuh.. you know why? krn yah emang gue tau gue masih brantakan, to some extent. Jangan bilang lo udah jadi Kijang kalo lo masih Ferrari (urusan Kijang-Ferrari ini mgkn bisa gue jelaskan lain waktu.... and istilah Kijang-Ferrari adalah copyrights Patton dan anak PL)...
Kebanyakan cewe2 begini mereka kebingungan.. gak punya arah.. gak punya pegangan yg pasti. Orang2 yg pinter masih punya pegangan, karirnya lah, keluarganya lah.... cewe2 begini kan valuesnya juga udah agak2 aneh yah.. jadi yah mereka emang gak punya pegangan lagi.. secara mereka juga kaga pinter (makanya dibodohin kita cowo2 juga percaya2 aja ahahaha)... Kadang mereka pikir pernikahan adalah solusinya.
Mereka pikir pernikahan bisa menyelamatkan mereka dari ke"berantakan"an hidupnya. Yakin?
hehehhehhee.. karena justru darisini lah lahir hubungan2 "pernikahan modern" dimana suami suka2 ng3ntot diluar rumah dan pulang malam, dan istri2 juga sibuk dengan aktivitas yoga atau buka kamar di hotel dg partnernya... Wahhh betapa majunya pernikahan jaman sekarang. yahhh tapi apa boleh buat. Inilah solusi kebahagiaan yg kita cari... eh sori.. yg mereka cari.
udah ahh.. cape juga yahh ngomongin kayak ginian.... gak ada abisnya.. No one can solve their problems.. Cz they wont know whether they want their problems solved or not.
Maybe not.. dan lalu disinilah berlaku hukum rimba. Hukum alam terbesar....

yang baik akan bersama yang baik (menikah dengan yang baik, hidup kehidupan yang cukup baik, punya anak2 yg cukup baik, dan in overall cukup oke lah)..
sementara yang rusak akan rusak (menikah kedalam pernikahan yg rusak, menjalani kehidupan keluarga rusak, punya anak2 yg nantinya jadi ikut rusak, dan in overall cukup rusak lahh)....
so?.. now that you know.... which path do you want to take?

Yahhh ini juga deh covernya deftones... yahh mgkn kira2 bisa begini juga sih...
ehhehehe... basi yah.. buat yg been there done that... i hope we can find our way to the end.! ;) hehhehe amen.

The Weirdos (Episode 4: The Weird Psycho Man)

Akhirnya.. for the multiply ppl.. sori telat gue copy paste nya.. hehhee this was actually published Oct 1, 2006. but do enjoy for those who havent.. Akhirnye gue mutuskan untuk dipercepat ending. it was gonna be a 6 episode series.. tapi gak jadi.. :( sorry..




Finally, i'm tired.. been wanting to do this since when i started this "the weirdos" series .. so here goes.. this is the final episode of 'The Weirdos'!... the one to conclude all the previous ones. May we all now rest in silences..
_____________________________________________________________________

The Weird Psycho Man

And so there's this Psycho man. He wanders around lookin for things maybe he wasn't  sure of. He was lookin for the answers to his life. (well, is there any?)

He thought he had it all, he thought he had found the one. But first, one thing about this guy, he always makes crazy decisions. Decisions people wouldn't do.. he's a psycho... a total psycho.

And so he had everything, a career moving towards a settled life, a woman he proclaimed to be 'the one', he had everything a normal-common people would ever wish. But he decided to turn everything around. He destroyed his dream for a common life.. Why?.. cz he's not common.. He's a psycho. And He always said "it takes a big heart to become a psycho..!" And somehow he seemed to all of us someone proud of his mental illness.

During his period of destruction... he met again with the woman of his dreams. (literally and not-literally).. And yes, God has been really good to him (and this i dun even know why). But as expected, his psycho mind spread the pscyho acts.
A woman of his dreams, someone anyone would fight to keep... but no, he drove her away. So now he drove away the one and the woman of his dream.

He never realised the hurt slowly growing inside him from the actions he took. He was careless cause his actions did not heal his mental illness.. it made him worse. Hurt after hurt after hurt, he became more psycho than ever. but God never stop loving this psycho... He gave him chances after chances.. chances to do good, chances to fix his mistakes, chances to heal himself...
not one, not two,.. but three or more..
But he is a total psycho.. The most psychotic man I've ever met!!.. honestly...

He drove away everything once again...
Now the hurt he experienced has grown into something he could not handle anymore. It's like a chain reaction.. the more he got hurt, the more he hurt. And the circle grew bigger and bigger, making contacts to people who were not involved before.

___________________________________________________________________________________

So that's some brief summary of him. Now to detail his psychotic behaviour!

He had a date once, with this woman of his dreams (another chance to make it work), to a wedding. For some reasons of misunderstanding, the woman thought the wedding is for the following week. But during the afternoon of that day, this psycho guy found out the wedding is on that very day. So he texted the woman, no reply. Called her, no answer.. tried again hours later, still the same... So his devilish psychotic mind started to think psycho. and so he texted her, "it's okay.. i know you probably pretended to forget the wedding date so that u can go there with another man. It's alrite. I'm going there too with my friends.. so c u there!"

goddamnit.. how psyhco is daat????
And not so long after that, his phone rang.. the woman called. She was sleeping throughout the afternoon.... the rest, is just history. history for his dreams to be with this woman. hahahahhaha.. psychooo!!..

He is a psycho in everything.. but mostly to women. The more he's obsessed the more psychotic he becamee... Scary... or Scar-ry (since he has been thru alot of hurt as well - all thru his own actions/decisions of course)? An annoying thing about him, is that he's always inconsistent. The things on his mind.. and the words that came out of his mouth... the words he said to women who hurt him... the words he said to his friends.. all can be different. He has this pride on his shoulder he thinks he should carry.. and that he shows to his friends... but to the women who hurt him.. he;s nothing.. he has no pride..
Now he's soulless, not able to rest, knowing he has screwed up so many things in his life with his stupied ideal that life should be lived as crazy as posibble.

And the best thing abt this guy... he thinks everyone else is a psycho!!!!... hahahhahah
The women who hurt him he called 'em psychos... the women whom he hurt he called them psychos... Without ever realising it was him all along... It was his mad actions who drove everything away from him. So now.. his psycho brain has led him to a world of emptiness, hollowness ... he now has nothing. Nothing's left. And he is experiencing the biggest hurt he ever experienced.. and if u think that will cure his illness.. uh uh.. no no.. that made him more psycho than ever. a crazy man. a lunatic... cz he's the most psycho man i've ever met in my entire life!!!...

.......

...
and btw, that man is myself.